Secrets
by SparkleInTheSun
Summary: Rikki is hiding a dark secret from her friends, and boyfriend. Will they manage to save her from herself? Or is she going to hide it until the very end? Rated T but if you think it should be M just tell me Warning to YOUNGER Readers!
1. Chapter 1

"_No please." The shaking girl whispered, she shook her head at the larger boy in front of her but he just grinned as he carried on walking towards her. She looked around the dark shed he had lead her into only five minutes ago and she felt a tear roll down her pale cheek as she realized what was going to happen, as she realized what he was going to do to her. She shook her head again and stepped back, tripping over a can of paint that had been left carelessly in the middle of the shed. As she fell to the floor she heard him laugh loudly, she held back the scream that was lingering in her throat and wiped away the tears that were leaving a shiny track on her face, which looked silver in the bright moonlight. "Please, my boyfriend will come looking for me. He will kill you, just go while you can, I won't tell anyone." She looked out the window hoping she was right, wishing he would storm into the shed at any time. He just shook his head and then knelt down next to her on the floor, she watched his every movement, shaking at the thought of what could happen, what was going to happen. She closed her eyes briefly and looked away, screaming in pain when she felt a burning on her arm. She looked at him quickly and then down at her arm, realizing where the sudden shot of pain had come from. She looked at the cigarette he had chucked on the floor in shock, he just smiled down at her and started playing with her hair. She pulled away from him and clenched her shaking hand into a fist, she knew she shouldn't expose them but sometimes, like now, there was no choice. She closed her eyes, and mentally prepared herself, she quickly looked at the only exit and planned it all out. He didn't know what was coming, how could he? She smiled a bit to herself, she could easily get out of this, it would be okay. _

_Then he lay on top of her, she could smell the smoke on his breath, she yelled in pain when he grabbed both her wrists and pinned them down. She was helpless now, she was stuck. She just closed her eyes and prayed to a god she never had believed in, she prayed that someone would find her. She was too weak to fight him, she had always thought she was strong but this proved her wrong. She tried to kick him before he could do anything but she could hardly move, she watched him as he slid her skirt down her legs, she looked at the greed in his eyes and she just closed her own. Whatever happened she wasn't going to open them, she was frozen in fear all of a sudden. She didn't even scream from the pain, she didn't open her eyes when he slapped her across the face, she just let the tears fall from her shut eyes and turned her head to the side. It would be over soon, she kept telling herself. _

I woke up suddenly, I rubbed my wet eyes and looked down at my shaking hand. Sitting up quickly, I ran to the bathroom, feeling the sick about to come up. I look at my reflection when I am done, realizing just how weak I looked, my eyes were bright red, there were dark circles underneath them, giving away the lack of sleep. I was shaking, and sweating from the nightmare. I shook my head, and stared at my own reflection, "You have to be strong Rikki, don't let anyone break you." I whisper, the truth is, I am so scared, I don't want to be strong anymore. I don't want to pretend, but I have to. I can't let anyone know what happened. I can't go through that all. .

I have changed so much since that night, anyone could see that, but I won't tell them what was wrong. I can't. It would all be too hard, I wouldn't want them to have to deal with my burden, it was mine, I should be the only one who has to live with it. I am the only one who can deal with it.

This is my secret, and it's going to stay that way.


	2. Chapter 2

"Rikki?" I turn around to see Cleo waiting for me outside the classroom, I look down at the floor and hope she doesn't ask me if I am okay. I am fed up of that one question, everyone is asking me the same. I don't look that bad, do I? I look back up when she doesn't say anything and see she is stil standing there, staring at me. "We are all worried about you, after that party.. We haven't seen you." I shrug, and look around at those walking past us, I hadn't been out since 'it' happened, it was the first day back to school. I knew I had to come. Cleo just sighed and then started to walk towards me, I instantly felt uneasy, Cleo coming towards me could only mean one thing; A hug. I step back quickly,the fear evident on my face. "Whats going on with you?" She wrinkles her nose up in worry, I just look down and shrug as I try to walk past her. "Class is this way." She points in the opposite direction, I nod and then walk next to her. On the way to Science she makes a one way conversation, I just nod when she wants me to, and even attempt a smile when she laughs. I close my eyes in relief when we finally reach the door to the Science laboratory. Cleo goes in first and I follow her in, I wish I am not partners with her this year. I couldn't handle anymore of her rambling, I look at the teacher as I sit down at my usual seat. I used to hate Science, but this year I will just do anything as long as it keeps my mind off the whole thing. I don't mind what it is, as long as it gives me a reason to stop thinking about everything that has gone wrong in my life.

I sigh loudly when my name is called out to be laboratory partners with Lewis, my boyfriend, he grins at me and puts his thumbs up from across the room, I just look down at my notebook and think about something else. "Can you go and sit with your partners at your assigned tables now please?" I keep my head down as the teacher says this, I don't want to move, I don't want to have to go through the whole 'Where you been?' thing with Lewis. "Are you okay Miss Chadwick?" I look up at the teacher who is leaning over my desk and I nod, grabbing my books on the way to the table I see Lewis sit at. This was going to be so hard.

"Long time, no see." I just nod at him, and look down at the desk. I feel him tense next to me as he tries to think of what to say, I hear him sigh loudly and then look behind him. I watch him out of the corner of my eye, Lewis and Cleo broke up half a year ago, and then he asked me out not long after. I still remember that time he asked me out, I wasn't sure. I had only just broken up with Zane, I was convinced Cleo would hate me if she found out.

"_I have something to ask you." Lewis blushed and looked down at the floor, Rikki looked at him and started to dry off her tail. Her and Lewis had been meeting at Mako for a while now, it wasn't anything romantic, just a friend thing, even though they were both starting to fall for each other. She looked at him,waiting for the question. He nodded, when he realized she wouldn't say anything, "Would you like to.. um.. you know? Um.. go out with me?" Rikki looked around the caves thoughtfully, "As in boyfriend and girlfriend?" Lewis nodded and then looked down again, "If you don't want to I will understand.." _

"_No, I do... but Cleo?" Lewis smiled "I already spoke to her, she understands.. she wants us to be happy..." _

"_She says that.. but you're Lewis.. She is Cleo.. I mean.. It's always been you two."  
"She has broken up with me twice, I don't love her anymore and she feels the same. We are just friends, don't you think me and you deserve a chance?" Rikki nods and then looks at him, "Okay then." Lewis grins at her and then wraps his arms around her waist, she smiles at him as they both lean in.. _

I shake my head, it was ages ago now, who cares if he likes me? I don't like me, I let someone hurt me in a way I swore to myself would never happen. I let that happen, and now I had to live with that. It was all my fault, my problem and this was my way of dealing with it. I wasn't going to let anyone else know what had happened, I didn't want them to know how weak I really was. I didn't want anyone to think I was stupid, they would all blame me anyway, for letting him do that. They know what I could have done, I could have burned him... anything... but I didn't and not even I know why. I can hardly expect anyone to understand when I don't understand myself.

"Are you going to talk to me?" Lewis lightly touches my hand, I immediately pull it away and turn away from him. I can feel my whole body shaking at the thought of someone touching me. Closing my eyes, I try and calm myself down. They were going to find out if I carried on, they were going to guess. "What is going on? Have I done something to upset you? Has someone else done something?"

"Just leave it Lewis, get on with your work." I turn around to face the front again and he just shakes his head, "I just thought that as a couple we were supposed to tell each other everything."

"Whatever." I shake my head and focus on the work in front of me, holding back the tears, I can feel peoples eyes burning into me, I can hear all the whispers. Why can't anyone just mind their buisness?

I shake my head as the whispers get louder, I keep looking down at my work, trying to ignore them all. I look at Lewis next to me as he looks over to Cleo and Emma, shaking his head. I see the looks on their faces, I watch Zane behind them. He is staring at me, worry evident on his face. I sigh and grab all my books, stuffing them into my bag. I thank the teacher silently for placing me on the table next to the door as I make a run for it. I feel the tears drip down my face as I run away from it all, from everyone who thinks they know what has happened, from the watching eyes and from all the whispers.

I ran all the way to the beach and just looked at the water, I thought it could help me with everything, but it didn't help me when I needed it the most. It didn't do anything to help me, it didn't try to save me. I close my eyes and think about the one moment I had the chance to burn him, I had many chances though, and I didn't move. I just lay there with my eyes closed, and let him. Tears stung my eyes as I thought about it, I deserved it. I could have fought him off, but I didn't. This was all my fault.

I look around the beach before jumping in, leaving my school bag on the sand. Nobody would come after me anyway, Emma wouldn't risk an absence, especially on the first day. Soon I am at Mako, I smile at the beautiful, serene cave. This was what made us who we are, I always thought it was a good thing, but what had changed?

I look sadly at my mermaid tail, it didn't feel the same anymore, it wasn't exciting, it wasn't a good thing. Nothing was good anymore, I let this secret eat away at me. But I couldn't tell anyone, I didn't want to hurt anyone else, no, I had to deal with this.

I wipe away the hot tears as the fall down my face, I shake my head and slowly get myself out of the moonpool, it wasn't fair. Why did he choose me? Why did I let him take me into that damn shed. Why did this happen to me?

"_Hey." A tall, muscular boy stood next to Rikki as she waited for Lewis to come back with their drinks. She smiled politley at him and then looked away, rolling her eyes. She could smell the alchol on him a mile off, "Is he your boyfriend?" She nodded "You're way too good looking for him babe." He grinned at her but Rikki just rolled her eyes and faced the other way. "Why you being so cold sexy?" He grabbed her hand but she quickly pulled it away, looking through the crowd for Lewis. He shook his head and then grabbed her hand tightly, "Don't even think about screaming." He whispered, Rikki felt something sharp prod into her back. She refused to let the tears fall though, she thought there was a way out of this. She walked with him as he told her where to go, and soon found herself at a shed. "What do you want?" He dug, what she assumed to be a knife, deeper into her lower back. She winced in pain but didn't cry, she was strong, she had to let him see this. He laughed at her and then shook his head "I want you." He bit her shoulder hard, she looked away from him as she felt her body shake from fear. This couldn't be happening, not to her.. _

I should have screamed, I close my eyes as I lay back on the sand, I could have run away. He couldn't stab me then, I shake my head at my own thoughts. It's easier to say now, but at the time I was frozen, I couldn't think straight. I couldn't even see straight, I just wanted him to go away and leave me alone. I couldn't think about anything else. I sighed as I heard someone come into the caves, I assumed it was Lewis as Emma and Cleo would come through the usual way. I dried myself off before he popped his head through the entrance, I rolled my eyes "I want to be alone Lewis."

"I want to know what is wrong Rikki." I shook my head, "Sometimes things have nothing to do with you."  
"You're my girlfriend... I have every right to know."

"I don't care to be honest Lewis, just leave me alone."

"No! Tell me now! Please..' He sat next to me, keeping a distance, I shook my head "Go away. I don't want to talk about it."  
"It's good to talk about things."

"Yeah well not this, okay? Just go."

"Fine." He muttered as he stood up, I shook my head at his sudden moodiness and only let the tears fall down my face when he walked out. I jumped up when I saw two mermaids in the water, no way would Emma run out of school. There was no chance, I looked at them as they both put their heads above the water. "Not you as well, just leave me alone." I said to them, they just shook their heads at me and swam over to the edge "You will tell us when you're ready won't you?" I nod, hoping they would leave it at that. They give me a small smile as Emma reaches out a hand for me to join them in the water, I nod and grab it as I slide in. Sometimes, it was better to pretend everything was fine, and sometimes it's easier to smile in front of everyone than cry on your own.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been six whole months since it happened, six whole months, it seemed like it was yesterday, I think it always will. I looked around the moonpool and put my chin on my knees, letting the tears fall. "Hey." I jumped up when I heard a voice behind me, I suddenly started to shake with sudden fear. I shook my head as I turned around and saw Zane, he smiled as he walked towards me. Over the past month or so everyone had learned to not touch me, hardly speak to me, I just sat there during the school day mostly on my own, and even when I wasn't on my own, sometimes I could be surrounded by all my best friends, and I would still feel lonely. I felt lonely all the time, but I couldn't tell anyone that. I looked at Zane and then turned my head around, somehow it was different with him, I didn't feel alone anymore. I guess I still.. loved him. He sat next to me and left a wide gap between us to my pleasure. I sighed and turned my head towards him for a moment "Why are you here?"

"I am worried about you, have been for ages now, something happened to you... probably at that party. I still love you Rikki..." He trailed off as I turned to him in surprise, he must have seen the shock on my face because he blushed and looked down at the water. "I still love you too, but I am with Lewis.."

"He will never love you like I do Rikki." He sighed loudly and I felt him move a little closer, I wanted to move away from him but I froze in my place. I didn't look towards him, just watched his every movement out the corner of my eye. "I wish we hadn't broken up. I miss you."

"_This isn't working out anymore Zane, I don't want to be with you anymore." _

"_Why not?" _

"_Because, I said so... It's to hard.. everything is too hard." Tears started to fall down her face but she wiped them away "I can't be with you anymore." She started to walk away from him but he grabbed her arm, "I am sorry for kissing her Rikki, I was upset because I... I was upset because we had an argument."  
"That doesn't give you the right to go around kissing other girls!" Suddenly she was angry, she could feel her face flush red, and her fist clenched. "I am sorry. She was there.. and I was upset.. she kissed me.." _

"_You could have said no!" She turned away again, and that time he let her go. He knew she was right, he shouldn't have done that_

I sighed, it wasn't fair, I had a decent guy and I let him go because of one mistake. One stupid mistake, that didn't seem valid anymore. I look over at him and finally let the tears fall down my pale face, the tears I had been holding back since he entered the cave. "I am so sorry Zane." I whisper, I see him get up and walk towards me, "What for?" He sits right next to me, still not touching, I start to shake, "Can you hold me... for a second?" He nodded at me and then put his arm around my shoulder, I closed my eyes, trying to get used to the human contact, finding it easier than I thought I would. I put my head on his chest and wrapped my shaking arms around his waist "I wish everything could go back to the way it was before." He nods "Yeah, me too."

"I do like Lewis, but I love you. I think I thought I did like him in that way, and it's not fair on him at all."

"I think.. he thinks the same as you. He still loves Cleo." I nod "He always will..."

"And I will always love you.. Are you going to tell me about it?"

"The party... there was this guy... Zane.." I started to cry again, gripping his shirt with my clammy hands, "It's okay, everything will be okay." He said as he rubbed my back. I took a deep breath "He raped me..." I whispered, I could hardly hear myself. I didn't think he could either, but he gripped me tighter "Do you know him?" I shook my head, "No.. I had never seen him before.. he was older than us."

"I will kill him.." I wrapped myself tighter in his arms, and almost smiled when he lifted me up onto his lap. "Thank you for telling me."

"Thank you for listening."

"Anytime Rikki, I love you so much. I wish you had told me sooner."

"I wish I had as well.. I couldn't tell anyone else and I thought you hated me... I thought you wouldn't care.."

"I will always care. Do you want to talk about what happened?"

And in that moment, I told him everything, it all came out, everything I had tried to keep secret, everything came out... And to my surprise, he held me closer, he kissed me gently on the cheek, he told me everything was going to be okay, he told me he loved me. I hadn't been expecting this, I thought everyone would hate me, thought they would blame me just as much as I blamed myself. And then, just as if he knew what I was thinking Zane squeezed my hand "And don't think it's your fault either, because there was nothing you could have done."

"I could have used my powers." I choked out, I looked away from him towards the pool but he pulled me closer again "Fear effects people in different ways Rikki." He sighed "You froze, just like anyone else would, he was... hurting you and you froze. It was normal reaction, I don't blame you. And nobody else will. I love you so much, please don't blame yourself." I shook my head and then smiled up at him "Thank you Zane." I whisper as I close my eyes, I thought he hated me after what happened, I loved him all along but I had to listen to what everyone else told me. He _**kissed **_somebody else, he told me he loved me all that time and then we had some stupid argument, stupid, stupid argument. I sighed, we were amazing. I thought I liked Lewis, I didn't mean to hurt him or use him. But he was... safe. He wouldn't do that to me, I knew that now, I wasn't with Lewis because I liked him or loved him, it was because he was just a friend, and he was safe. As wrong as it sounded, I really didn't do it on purpose.

"What happened after?" Zane said after a few moments of silence, I looked up at him and shrugged, "After?"

"When he was... you know.. done?"

"Oh... he got up... forced me to open my eyes, I looked at him as he grinned at me and then he spat at me and walked out like nothing had happened, like he hadn't done anything to me." I held back the tears that would inevitably fall down my face.

_Rikki looked around her when he left, closing the door behind him. She sat there for a few minutes, afraid that he would come back. She kept her eyes focused on the door, silently praying that it was over, he wouldn't come back. She realized after half an hour that he wasn't going to come back, she covered herself up quickly only noticing the lack of clothing in that moment. Getting up, she took one last look around her before slowly making her way to the door, peeping out from the entrance, just to make sure. When she decided it was clear, she walked out, away from the party, still hearing everyone happy and dancing, it was too hard. She walked out to the main road, stumbling down every now and then, trying to find her way home. _

"Did your Dad say anything when you got home?" I shook my head, "He was asleep, I was supposed to be sleeping over Emma's so he was surprised to see me the next morning. He saw the bruises, but I told him I got into a fight with someone... He doesn't know anything."

Zane nodded and sighed deeply, I snuggled into his chest, never wanting this moment to go. "I need to talk to Lewis."

"Yes, I would rather that to be honest."

"You would?"

"I think, we should try again Rikki.. just one last try." I nod, "But.. I was going to move away, I can't handle it here anymore Zane."

"I can always move with you, Dad is hardly home, it won't be forever..." It sounded like a question, so I nodded "No, I know... I don't want to leave Dad alone for ages. I just need to get away, are you sure?"

"Yeah, when?"

"I was thinking when the school year was over, just so I don't miss anything..."

"Yeah, good idea. I can stay behind if you want?"

"No, I need someone I guess." He nods and then smiles as I start to get up, "I need to talk to Lewis, now."

"Okay, I will come with you." I stood up and started to walk towards the normal entrance. "In your boat, right?" I smile at him, he nods and then grabs my hand as he stands up as well. I finally feel right, I feel at home I guess. With Zane, everything feels right and I don't know why I didn't see it before. I am _**meant **_to be with him, this was meant to happen all along. Me and him, Zane and Rikki, Zikki.. Whatever you want to call it. We were meant to be, and that was all that mattered.


	4. Chapter 4

I was dreading this, but if Zane was right, and Lewis was still in love with Cleo then it wouldn't be so bad after all? Lewis would understand, wouldn't he? I shook my head, it didn't matter, I never should have said yes to him, it wasn't fair on him. Zane grabbed my hand and smiled at me encouragingly. I looked down at the floor as we walked into JuiceNet, and sure enough there was Lewis, with Cleo and Emma. I sighed at the crowd, this was going to be harder than I thought. I watched Lewis around Cleo, it was so obvious, I don't know how I didn't see all of it before. But then again, I have had other stuff to worry about.

"Lewis, can we talk?" I let go of Zane's hand as we approach their table and he just nods, he doesn't move though, "In private?"

"Why?"

"I... need to tell you something."

"Why can't you say it in front of everyone else?" He looked hurt already, and confused. I sighed. "It's not working out...." I muttered, Lewis surprised me by smiling and nodding "I knew this was coming Rikki. I know it's not, I don't think it's meant to be." My head shot up as he said this, he knew it all along. I knew it deep down, I knew it wasn't meant to be, it was always supposed to me Lewis and Cleo, Zane and myself. It's the way things were supposed to go, the I nodded at him and then looked at Zane. "I am really sorry,"

"Don't be, I see the way you look at him, you still love him."

"And... Cleo?" I seemed unsure and she blushed, "I still have feelings for her." He shrugged, I nodded and then looked around, Zane put his arm around my waist. I closed my eyes, trying to think about staying put, it was tempting to forget everything that happened before and go back to depression I had put myself in these past few months. It would be easy to rebuild those walls, it would be easy....

I looked at his face and sighed, "I have something to tell you all.. well two things."

"What is it?" Emma looked at me, I sat down next to her and Zane did the same. I sighed as I looked down at the table, not really wanting this conversation. "I was raped." I whispered, Cleo gasped but Emma didn't seem surprised, "Is that why you've been acting so... distant?" I nodded and kept my head down, Zane put a comforting arm around my shoulder, I didn't move, "Rikki, you could have told us."

"I was scared.."

"It's okay though, we are going to help you through this okay?" I nodded and Emma put her arm around me as well, I lean in to her warm body, and smiled. Maybe it would all be okay now, I looked at Cleo who quickly grabbed my hand, "It's going to be okay. Do you know who it was?" I shook my head, "He was just at the party I have never seen him before."

'What happened?" I sighed and then looked at Zane, I didn't want to have to explain it again, "Maybe some other day okay?"

"What was the other thing?" Lewis quickly said, I was thankful for the change of subject, "When the school year is over I am going to get away for a while... I think it's for the best. I will be back for the next school year though, I won't miss that.. I just need a few months away."

Emma and Cleo nodded, looking sadly at the juices in front of them. "Is anyone going with you."

"I hope I am allowed." Zane said, I nodded and then looked at Lewis, he just smiled at me. I was glad he was okay with this, it must have been more obvious to everyone else than it ever was to me.

I looked at Zane, trying to ignore all the horrible memories that stopped me from getting close to anyone for so long now, I smiled at him and grabbed his hand under the table. He grinned at me, and then kissed me on the cheek. It felt good, I wasn't shaking for once, I wasn't scared.

"I love you."

"I love you too." I lean in to kiss him on the lips, and for once I feel right, I don't have to be depressed anymore, I don't have to hide it all anymore, I can tell him anything and he understands.

This is what real love should be like.....

_**~ FIN ~ **_


End file.
